I don't ever claim to have it all together. I don't have all the answers and Eliot grows so much day-to-day that I have to learn and adapt with him. I remember when he was a couple of weeks old, he'd nap every day at 2:00 pm. I'd feel bad for Chris because Eliot would be asleep when Chris got home from work for a while. Now? No consistent naps. That isn't much of a complaint, but just an example of how much he changes.

For a while now, he has been nursing for just five minutes at a time, getting sick of it, and biting (or should I say gumming) me followed by a big old grin. He thinks its funny. And if his smile weren't so irresistible, I'd have my feelings hurt as well. But he doesn't mean it in a bad way. Maybe it is a game. Maybe he is over it. I try to push him to eat longer and less frequently, but he isn't down for it and we both get irritated.

It has progressed more now that I have been trying to supplement with formula before bedtime. Obviously, the fast nipples on the bottle are faster than my own. And he is too impatient with me. Today, we battled trying to get him to sleep for about two hours. Chris suggested letting him cry it out. I don't feel ready all the way and this time I just knew inside that it wasn't the right moment. So, we threw our hands in the air after I was bitten and Eliot refused the other side after waiting thirty more minutes. I gave him some formula. Five minutes and three and a half ounces later? Out. For twenty minutes. He was so hungry, but too impatient with me.

I really want to breastfeed for six months; however, when I see him suck those ounces down (he takes about seven ounces in a sitting before bed), I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I can't keep up and he won't barely try anymore. Our plan is for me to pump as much as possible so he can use the fast nipples. I need to change my attitude about that pump and fast.