I don't ever claim to have it all together. I don't have all the answers and Eliot grows so much day-to-day that I have to learn and adapt with him. I remember when he was a couple of weeks old, he'd nap every day at 2:00 pm. I'd feel bad for Chris because Eliot would be asleep when Chris got home from work for a while. Now? No consistent naps. That isn't much of a complaint, but just an example of how much he changes.

For a while now, he has been nursing for just five minutes at a time, getting sick of it, and biting (or should I say gumming) me followed by a big old grin. He thinks its funny. And if his smile weren't so irresistible, I'd have my feelings hurt as well. But he doesn't mean it in a bad way. Maybe it is a game. Maybe he is over it. I try to push him to eat longer and less frequently, but he isn't down for it and we both get irritated.

It has progressed more now that I have been trying to supplement with formula before bedtime. Obviously, the fast nipples on the bottle are faster than my own. And he is too impatient with me. Today, we battled trying to get him to sleep for about two hours. Chris suggested letting him cry it out. I don't feel ready all the way and this time I just knew inside that it wasn't the right moment. So, we threw our hands in the air after I was bitten and Eliot refused the other side after waiting thirty more minutes. I gave him some formula. Five minutes and three and a half ounces later? Out. For twenty minutes. He was so hungry, but too impatient with me.

I really want to breastfeed for six months; however, when I see him suck those ounces down (he takes about seven ounces in a sitting before bed), I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I can't keep up and he won't barely try anymore. Our plan is for me to pump as much as possible so he can use the fast nipples. I need to change my attitude about that pump and fast.

Eliot just keeps on growing and changing in new ways that amaze me every day. His four-month appointment went really well with great numbers. 90-95 percentile for height and 50-75 percentile for weight. No wonder his pants are too short yet the next size up are too large in the waist. Longgg and skinny.

The only issue really is his sleep, but it is more of a concern for me than Eliot. Since we're breastfeeding, I have to bear the brunt of Eliot's four, six, sometimes eight party sessions every night. And I'm horrible at falling asleep to begin with, so I doubt that I am getting more than an hour of sleep at a time--if even. The doctor warned us that long-term sleep deprivation like this can lead to psychosis. I'm feeling OK, but Eliot is four months old, afterall, so we decided to give the formula a try. However, I am still breastfeeding. This is just to supplement before bedtime.

His doctor gave us a sample container of formula with "added rice" so I don't have to worry about adding cereal to his milk and him choking or something. The "added rice" is ground up, but hits the stomach the same way. Something like that. Some people start on solids at four months, so we thought he could handle the change. Plus, it will help prepare him for solids in the coming months.

We tried giving it to him as his last feeding before bed. The first night, he only took a sip because he was tired. The second night, he spit it all out (not up, but drooled it out) the whole time. He just wasn't into it. Tonight, though, I used a different bottle. I had tried his glass bottles at first, but tonight we went with his Playtex drop-ins. Success! However, we waited too late *again* and he only drank about an ounce before falling asleep. I suppose it is better, though, so he can ease into just having a sip and then an ounce instead of forcing, say, four ounces down. I hope that it helps because, man, I'd love to get some sleep.

It has been a really good week and it is only Tuesday. Yesterday, we got some really great news about Chris's job. I don't think anyone reads this, and the job is official, so I suppose it won't hurt to post this. Some quick background information: Christopher and I are both adjunct English professors who more or less teach a full load. I usually teach five classes a semester (including summers) and Chris is assigned about seven. However, as adjuncts, our positions are "non-contractual"--or need-based. At the same time, all of the online professors are adjuncts, so there is continually a big need. So, our jobs are not technically the most secure, but the reality is that we will most likely receive our usual load. There is a contractual position, though, called an Instructional Mentor, which is the supervisor of a team of professors. I have an IM. Chris has an IM. The IM answers questions, evaluates professors once a year, and holds professors accountable for keeping up their grading. This position is contractual. IMs also can teach up to five courses a subterm (or fifteen courses a semester and ten in the summer). And Chris was promoted to an IM yesterday. He starts July 1st.

This is great news for us. I feel such a relief that he will have a contract. We always received our load as expected, but there was always this linger thought in my mind that it isn't promised. However, as an IM, Chris now has that security. What a relief indeed! It is a great step for him career-wise as well. I'm so excited for him!

In other news, I ordered a couple of baby food "cookbooks" today. I have been planning to make Eliot's baby food myself for some time. While I'm sure pureeing some carrots isn't that complicated, I am looking forward to seeing what sorts of interesting combinations they have and what other tips are included in the books. The one also has recipes and meal ideas for toddlers based on growing and changing nutritional needs, so it should be helpful. As silly as it sounds, most of my parenting anxiety revolves around nutrition. I was so very worried about breastfeeding, so I ordered a La Leche League book and felt much better after reading it. And breastfeeding has gone beautifully well. Then I started feeling overwhelmed when thinking of the transition to solids. What is the correct balance of milk to food? And how do you change over? So many people that I see start on solids around four months. Eliot will be four months in just 11 days. However, our doctor said firmly not to start any solids at all until six months. It is confusing, but I think that these books will help to assure me that I will be able to figure out the right transition at the right time for Eliot and he won't be deficient in any sort of mineral area or anything.

Eliot's sleeping just keeps getting worse, it seems. He is up about six times a night. I was bad and let him sleep in bed with us the past two nights. So that was two nights in the crib and then two with us. He doesn't demand to sleep with us or anything. It is just easier on me. And his number of times getting up seems to be the same either way. The subject of formula came up again because Chris is getting woken up a bit too, which isn't good for his work schedule. He went in later today than he had hoped because he was so tired. My sleep doesn't matter too much because I don't have anywhere to go. Anyway, we might start giving him a bottle of formula before bed once he hits four months. As I said before, I planned to breastfeed for six months, but had always been very open to (and almost planning on) supplementing with formula before bedtime to help with sleep. Six times a night is just too much. Maybe it is four month sleep regression, but he never fully "recovered" from his three-month growth spurt (which came a couple of weeks early). Before that, he only got up TWICE a night. What is with this six thing?

Kimmy is coming this weekend to celebrate her birthday with a camping trip. I've been trying to get things in order. Today I cleaned Mr. Rufus's cage, did some dishes, did three loads of laundry, cleaned the toilet upstairs (yep, just the toilet), tidied up Eliot's room, and tried to organize some bills. Seriously. Stray papers will be my downfall. I have a system for the important items, but it is hard to maintain with so much junk mail!

Eliot has been the craziest ball of energy ever since he rolled over. He always wants to be jumping, rolling, kicking, or swimming through the air. It is also getting more difficult to encourage him to "nap" when he is tired. I put nap in quotations because he is such a cat napper. He will (or would) get tired, sleep for about ten minutes, and then be up and ready to play--and no longer cranky. Now, though, the cranks come a little, but he just will not sleep for a while.

We meant to go swim at the Y today. Eliot loves to splash in the pool. However, he was in and out of nap world when Chris got home. Then when he seemed ready to play, I pointed out that he hadn't pooped all day. I worried about him going in the pool. Well, here we are at 8:00 pm and still no poop. I'm not worried or anything--some breastfed babies only poop once a week at this age. Anyway, it might have been a good thing that we stayed back because we had a few thunderstorms come and go. I think we had a tornado warning at one point....

This weekend, I am really looking forward to relaxing some. Just some. :) We spent pretty much all last week with family, so it will be nice to have some "us" time.

We had another great weekend with family for Easter. Eliot did beautifully in the car (one stop to feed and no tears or fussing aside from that one time when he told us he was hungry). It was nice to see everyone again.

Eliot has been getting closer and closer to rolling over, so when we got home, we bought a rug for the den. I kept saying that he'd do it in a week, but he did it within two days! I couldn't believe how fast he progressed. This morning, Eliot and I were playing in bed while Chris got ready for work. I said, "Chris! He's doing it! Oh wait. He's not. Oh! He did!" Fortunately, Chris ran in just in time to see him.

Every time I walk by the drawer in the kitchen that holds my birth control, I worry. I worry if I have taken it. And I always have. I never miss a pill and always take it on time. Even after reassuring myself, I still worry. It's not that having another baby now would be bad, just more convenient later. And some paper work from the insurance company looked like my maternity rider won't kick in for another three months since there is a six-month waiting period--even though I have been paying for it consistently for almost four years and never canceled it. If that were the case, I think we could fight it. But still. I worry. If by chance I do become pregnant before we plan another baby, I would consider it to be a tremendous blessing and would be so very happy and thankful. So why do I worry so much?

This was Eliot and I after trying to get everything done on that list in the previous entry on the day Chris's parents came in. Gotta grab every second of potential sleep!

Chris's parents' visit was great. His mom finally got to see Eliot (it had been almost two months!), we got to meet Elizabeth's boyfriend, and Elizabeth was able to spend some time with her future roommates at Liberty. I'm actually kind of jealous that Elizabeth already has established some great friendships in college and she hasn't even started! I never really "fit in" at Longwood. Something about not being into drinking or field parties...

Here is Eliot and grandma Robinson

During their visit, they helped us load up a new bench into the Caddy to set outside. Chris and I have been looking at outside benches for almost two years, but we couldn't fit one in the Jeep because of the carseat. So now we have a place to sit outside! I must say that our front yard is looking better and better. We might get some matching chairs for the other side of the front stoop. Eliot loves to sit outside and stare up at the cherry tree. Either his jaw simply drops or he looks so serious the whole time. It's so funny. I'm so glad that he loves the outdoors.

We have another busy weekend coming up! We're heading to Chesapeake TODAY. I should be doing laundry. I should be eating lunch (forget breakfast!). But I just need a breather. And Eliot just woke up from his twenty-minute nap. I love that baby! I'm so happy to see him. :)

So, here is what I need to do today before we leave:
Pack my and Chris's bag.
Pack Eliot's bag.
Set up the cat and rabbit food.
Fold Eliot's laundry.
Dry and fold our darks.
Gas up the Jeep.

Not too bad! I have four hours.

I knew kids tend to fight sleep, but I never realized how much a baby could try to stay awake so hard and so early! Eliot may be rubbing both heavy eyes, but he'll do all he can to keep kicking and stay awake. This baby hatesss to nap and rarely does.

We had a fun day yesterday. I took Eliot and Abed-nego for a long walk down Rivermont--maybe the longest walk I've been on in a while. When we got back, Eliot had dozed off for a few minutes, so I called Liberty to sign up for my doctoral comprehensive exam this summer. Once completed, that will put me in the dissertation stage and officially a "doctoral candidate." I'm pretty excited. :) Eliot woke up half-way through the phone call (I told you he doesn't nap!), but a paci was able to keep him from crying until I got off the phone--and I was only on the phone for 8 minutes and 41 seconds.

Afterward, I grabbed a bottled IBC cherry limeade from the fridge and sat on the front stoop with Eliot. He loves to look up at the trees and I love cherry limeades. Haha! It was too pretty of a day to stay inside. Eliot wanted to eat, so we went inside and I called my mom when he was finished.

It doesn't sounds like a lot, but all of that with also eating lunch (always a challenge) got me through the day until Chris came home. I have more things on my "to do" list, so today needs to be a little more productive, a little less fun, but at least I signed up for the comps and went for a walk, right?

Before Chris's parents come on Sunday I need to:
Grade Engl 100C and submit final grades.
Grade Engl 100A and my two Engl 100Ds as well.
Create my Educ 758 group discussion board.
Create and reply to my Educ 758 whole class discussion board.
Write my text chapter summaries for Educ 758.
Write my project for Educ 758.
Organize all the dang mail on the dining room table.
Sweep sweep sweep all the time.
Wash some sheets.
Go to--I mean send Chris--to the grocery store.
Probably do some laundry.
Hopefully plant some flowers.
Mow--I mean have Chris mow--the lawn.
Call insurance company and ask why they aren't covering any of Eliot's pediatrician bills.

Eh. Not so much fun. I need to get to some serious work today and tonight. It's just hard to do schoolwork with Eliot around.