Christopher is off on a "gentlemen's night" or whatever getting sushi with two friends. If it is for guys only, why didn't he take Eliot? I'm only joking, of course. I'm sure he would have if I had asked, but I'd rather keep Eliot close with me in case he needs to eat.

People always say the most horrifying things about having children. Chris and I talk of this frequently because they had gotten us a little scared. Maybe it is just my family that is so negative--namely my grandmother. I have so many memories of terrible things she would say about my sister's doom when she was pregnant. When Chelse was pregnant with Sydney, I bought a chinchilla. My grandmother came over and looked at it and said, "This is the kind of baby to have." This was following many months of, "She doesn't know what she is getting into," and "A baby changes everything. Nothing will ever be the same. Your life changes forever," and many head shakes followed by "Mmm mmm mmm." I felt horrible for my sister that my grandmother was always so negative about having children, and it worried me about starting my own family. In fact, when I found out I was pregnant after a month of trying, my grandmother was the only person I was worried about telling just because I knew she has always had such a weird view of pregnancy. Well, in the end, my grandmother loves Sydney, but she also loves drama, so I think she said all of those things for the sake of getting emotional.

Anyway, other people would say similar things. They'd say that the newborn stage is just so difficult. And you will never be so tired in your life. And you had better sleep when the baby sleeps because you'll never sleep again. And it will never be the same. When I found out I was having a boy, the nurse said, "Oh, your trouble is just beginning." I grew so fed up with all of the negativity and the horror stories about difficult pregnancies, nightmare birth stories, and just how much of a curse the newborn stage was. Everyone just wants to get their two cents in and since I hadn't been through it yet, no amount of positive responses could shut out the "Well, you just don't know" conclusions.

Because of all of this, Chris and I were a little scared, but confident that we could rise to the challenge. Now that Eliot is two and a half months old, I can say that the newborn stage was not that bad. And neither was giving birth. I was TERRIFIED. But it was OK! And, yeah, Eliot has made sleep lacking, but I have adjusted. And, yeah, Eliot is always around and we have to consider him before we go anywhere, but our lives have always been so baby-friendly (I mean that we don't ever go anywhere a baby can't anyway, like clubs or bars or anything) that we just kind of bring him along. Sometimes he fusses when he needs to eat, but I've managed to feed him in public a couple of times without feeling too awkward and I can just run to the car too.

And maybe what frustrates me more than anything is when someone asks, "So, are things more difficult than you thought or less?" and I respond, "Less!" then they say, "Oh, well, things change. He'll change every few days." Why is it not acceptable to say that I don't feel stressed out? And I don't feel this insane burden that is a baby? And instead I absolutely love every minute of it, even when he wakes up six times a night for no apparent reason like last night? Sure, there are more tough moments, but it has not been that hard.

I also have been growing quite irritated with negativity regarding breastfeeding. Eliot eats more often since he is exclusively breastfed. Every two hours. And he usually wakes up twice a night because he is breastfed. I happily sacrifice that sleep and perhaps the slight inconvenience of having to feed him more often so that he can be exclusively breastfed. It works for us. It doesn't work for everyone, but it does for us. And if someone else prefers not to breastfeed for any reason, that is fine, but it is important to me to keep on trying to meet my six month goal. However, someone ignores that it is ME making the sacrifices and not them, that Eliot is happy with a full tummy and is growing great and the doctors are happy, and that my husband is so incredibly supportive. They ignore all of that and say not only should I give him formula, but I should also put rice in it simply so that Eliot will go longer between feedings. Well, that's just insensitive because I have tried so hard and I'm the one who is dealing with it all, not them. As I told Chris, I don't want an award for breastfeeding (though I appreciate it so much when Chris tells me that he is proud of me--and he does frequently), but I do want to NOT be told that I should stop by someone who isn't even involved in the process.

I don't know why I felt the need to type all of that. I guess I've just been thinking about it. And brooding.